Run Ichigo Run
by Franchise
Summary: Hollows. Shinigami. Bounts. Arrcaners. Ichigo has fought against them all. But now he must face his greatest challenge ever. Love struck girls?
1. Chapter 1

There are two kinds of geniuses in the world. First off there are the normal ones. Your inventors, scientists, child prodigies, get their names put down in history books, etc, etc. They come up with ideas and things that help shape the world and make it a better place.

Then there are the not so normal ones. Sure these guys can come with smart stuff themselves, but it always feels a little off . Like it came from the mind of a group of monkeys or maybe that it was actually suppose to be for the monkeys in the first place. Either way these guys are odd. Still many of this type can still be quite helpful. Kisuke Urahara for example could be considered a candidate.

"Nemu!"

Then there are the completely whacked out freaks of nature like the captain of the 12th division captain, Mayuri Kurotsuchi.

"Nemu! Where is that blasted girl!" The skull faced captain complained loudly as he paced back and forth in his lab. Around him was his personal lab filled with beakers of bubbling substances, various weird devices and computer panels displaying multiple readouts.

At that moment, his purple haired letiuitent/daughter landed in front of him, kneeling. "Yes Mayuri-sama?"

Mayuri stared at Nemu for one second before backhanding her into a nearby wall.

"You worthless piece of trash. I was calling you for almost a full minute!"

"M…my apologies"

Mayuri sneered "Get up already" he said kicking her a few times.

Nemu complied and followed her captain over a nearby table filled with a strange devices. A few moments of searching and he pulled up a tiny dart, and shoved it into the girl's hands.

"Take this and go down to the human world. Test it out and report back to me on the results."

"The target?"

The 12th captain paused for a moment before his white face formed a sadistic grin. "Use it on the Quincy"

Nemu was as emotionless as ever. "Uryu Ishida"

"Yes yes, I believe that was his name" Mayuri said waving his hand dismissingly, "This will teach him to attack me and stop from performing one of my experiments. Revenge can be so sweet"

"Soul society has given permission for this mission?"

Nemu's response was another slap in the face as her captain glared.

"Of course, it has been approved. How dare you speak up against me, your creator? Never question my orders again! Understood?"

"Hai" Nemu quickly nodded.

"…But if anyone asks you, lie and tell them that you are going to get pie. Now leave. I have important…research to do"

"You mean, play your videogames?"

"They are tactical simulations and what did I just say about question me, you sorry excuse for an offspring?"

Nemu quickly left.

---------

Ichigo Kurosaki let out a sigh as he tapped his hand impatiently on his desk. The school day was dragging on forever and Ichigo just wanted it to end. Having given up on listening to the boring lecture, the shinigami substitute was now impatiently waiting for the class to end.

'_Come on. Where is a hollow attack when you really need it?' _he thought to himself.

Looking around the classroom, the orange haired youth saw that most his classmates were in the same predicament. Tatsuki, his childhood friend looked ready to nod off at any second. Seated right next to her was Orihime Inoue paying little attention to the teacher and instead deciding to doodle in her notebook. At the back of the class was Chad being well Chad meaning it was impossible to tell what he was thinking as he was completely still and silent. The only one who didn't seem to be bored was Ishida sitting by the window, calmly listening to every word and taking details notes. Adjusting his classes a bit, he sent Ichigo a smug look as he continued to work.

Nemu quickly studied Ishida's face through a pair of binoculars. "Target acquired"

Standing on a rooftop adjacent to the school, the shinigami quickly dropped the binoculars to the ground and picked up of all things a sniper rifle. Holding the gun carefully, she inserted the dart and aimed at the window where the Quincy was.

"Ready…"

"Class dismissed"

Several cries of relief went through the class as people began to leave. Uryu was about to do the same when his keen Quincy senses picked up on a dangerous situation.

"Orihime" he called out.

"…aim…"

The girl quickly stopped and looked back at him.

"Yes?"

"There is a tear on your skirt"

Inoue gasped and looked down seeing for the first time the small cut that was on the end of her skirt. "Oh no"

"Here, allow me"

"…fire."

Faster then a flash step, Ishida whipped out his trusty sewing kit and bent over beginning to work.

- Swoosh -

The dart flew through the window harmlessly passing over Uryu's head and continued onward further into the classroom until it hit someone else.

"Ow, what was that?" Ichigo muttered as he rubbed the side of his head which suddenly hurt.

Uryu stood back up admiring his work. "There, all finished"

"Thank you so much" Orihime beamed causing the young man to blush.

"Heh…no problem"

Back on the rooftop, Nemu blinked at what had just happened. Saying no words she slowly reached into her robes pulling out a cell phone.

---------

"WHAT!?"

Had Captain Kurotsuchi bothered to design hair into his horror movie monster of the week look, he probably would have been pulling it out strand by strand. The mad scientist paced back and forth as he looked at his subordinate on the screen.

"How could you miss?" he screamed.

Nemu winced from the loud voice of her captain. "I am sorry…"

Mayuri ignored her as he started muttering. "I could have built myself a robot to serve as my lieutenant. But no Mayuri. You had go and make a clone of yourself for that special touch."

"….hit Ichigo Kurosaki instead" Nemu said continuing on.

Mayuri stopped ranting as he picked on the last bit of Nemu's words. "Repeat that again"

"The weapon ended up hitting shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki"

Mayuri frowned at this new development as he began to think. _'It hit the Ryoka? Curses. The dart was designed for the quincy, not a shinigami. There is no telling what the specific effects of it will be. Not to mention some of those other idiotic captains actually like the boy. …'_

"Nemu! Get close to the boy and make sure there were no side effects from the dart. Now!"

"Yes captain"

---------

Schoolbag in hand, Ichigo headed out of the school and on his way home.

"Well, I'm glad that is finally over."

"Hello there"

Ichigo stopped as he saw one of the strangest looking girls standing in front of him. Purple hair with green eyes and pale almost ghost like skin was weird enough on its on. But toss in the fact that said girl was dressed in army combat boots, a yellow sundress and a sombrero on top and you got a whole another level of freaky.

This though was pretty much going through Ichigo's head as he scratched his head in confusion. "Err…do I know you?"

Nemu blinked a few times at Ichigo if uncertain about something. Finally she nodded as small smile came to her face. "Yes"

A few feet back Uryu looked away from his conversation with Chad and Orhime in shock as he recognized the person Ichigo was speaking to.

"Sorry, I don't really remember…" Ichigo started to say but was cut off as Nemu grabbed a hold of him and gave him a deep passionate kiss.

Several students and all of Ichigo's friends stared in shock as the girl held him down kissing him while Ichigo struggled to break free. Keigo Asano started stuttering in disbelief while Mizuiro Kojima looked quite surprised.

"Wow. I guess Ichigo is popular with the ladies"

Ichigo finally managed to pry Nemu off, pushing her back a few feet. Trying to catch his breath he looked over at her.

"What did you do that for?"

"Nemu" Ishida called running over besides her. "What are you doing here? …And why are you kissing him?" he added on quickly.

"Because I love him"

Stunned silence followed from both males at those words.

"No! The only one who can love Ichigo-kun is me!"

Ichigo had only enough time to turn slightly around as Orihime Inoue leaped on him and began giving him kisses of her own.

"Inoue …stop. What's wrong with you?" the young man stammered as he kept twisting his head trying to avoid his friend's lips.

"Ichigo-kun. You're always so brave and strong. You never give up and let nothing stop you. I've always had feelings for you but have never been brave enough to confess them. Until now. Please tell me that you feel the same Ichigo. After all we are the one true pairing!"

Ichigo tried to form a response but was finding hard to focus as Inoue's body along with her large breasts, were now pressed against his body in a tight hug.

"Jeez, what is wrong with you?" Tatsuki muttered in disbelief as she had to use all her strength and fighting skill to get her best friend off of Ichigo. "You can't do that to Ichigo"

"Thank you Tatsuki" Ichigo said with relief.

"Besides, I'm the one he really wants!"

Said relief was immediately replaced by an out of control twitching eye.

Tatsuki turned and smiled at him. "We've known each other for years. Besides I'm way hotter then those two. I'll even prove it."

Giving a seductive wink, Tatsuki gave a light kiss on the side of Ichigo's cheek. Then she reached down with her hands towards her school uniform shirt and slowly began to pull it off.

Orihime gave her friend a mean look. "No fair Tatsuki. That's cheating!" As such the girl began pulling off her own shirt as well.

Ichigo hands flew up in front of his face at the two girl taking their clothes off. At the same moment, Uryu and Chad snapped out of their own stupors and restrained the two girls to stop them. Sadly, this just left Ichigo open for another girl to glomp on to him.

"Ichigo, you're my soul mate! Take me!" Chizuru screamed.

Every male in hearing distance had their jaw drop in shock at the red haired lesbian's declaration. It also pushed Keigo into code red of his panic mode.

"Wh-Wh-Wh-Wha-What!?" the youth stammered. "What is all this? First, this weird lady shows up and starts making out with Ichigo. Then he has Orihime and Tatsuki fighting over him. Now he's done the impossible and converted Chizuru. What in the world is going on? Tell me!"

Before Ichigo could do anything about Keigo, he was beaten to the punch. Literally.

"Hi there, I'm Mizuho Asano" the new girl introduced herself as she lowered her fist and walked across her still twitching brother. Mizuho leaned in so that Ichigo could get a good look at her entire body. "I have a thing for guys with orange hair"

At this moment, it seemed like every school girl of Karakura High School was in this one spot and every one of them was trying to get to the same substitute shinigami.

"Ichigo, I love you"

"You have the most beautiful eyes"

"Please gave me a kiss"

"Let me bear your children!"

"Hey, Ichigo's mine!"

"I saw him first!"

"As if!"

"I'm the sexiest one here!"

"You want to fight?"

"Bring it on!"

As every girl poured into Ichigo at all sides trapping him, his friends were unable to assist as there were many girls to fight off. All they could do was watch as they got more and more shocked with each comment. Or sickened, in a few cases.

"Ichigo," his female teacher called out from one of the classroom windows. "Report to me for detention. You've been a naughty boy and I have to punish you"

Such as that one for example.

Amidst the pile of girls trying to grab Ichigo and all sides as well the tearing of clothing being heard as they struggled against one another, Ichigo finally managed to sum up his thoughts on the current situation with a simple phrase.

"What the hell?"


	2. Chapter 2

Ichigo's faced paled as he began slowly backing away. "Come on…can't we talk about this?"

"No! Now start taking off your clothes!"

As Ichigo's back hit the wall leaving him no place to run to, his mind raced trying to figure out exactly how he had ended up in this situation.

- Flashback -

"Whaaaaaa!!!!"

"Congratulations Mr. Kurosaki. It's a baby boy!"

Opps, maybe that's a little too far back. Let's try again shall we?

- Flashback: A little while earlier -

"There. I think I lost them." Ichigo muttered completely out of breath

Normally, the orange haired teenager considered himself a calm person. Sure there had been the whole seeing spirits thing followed by becoming a shinigami and the insane battles which came after that. But with each event, Ichigo did eventually adjust and adapt to be a part of regular normal life.

Still, nothing really prepares you when every single one of your female classmates tries to jump you simultaneously while trying to French kiss you. So Ichigo out of pure panic instinct and did the first thing that popped into his brain.

He ran like hell.

Sadly his escape hadn't exactly been perfect as his shirt was now torn open, scratches from sharp fingernails were spread on his body, and five different colored shades of lipstick decorated his face.

'_No way those crazy women will find me here' _he thought as he slowly trudged towards of the front door of his house ready to hide out and figure out what was going on. He quickly turned the doorknob and stepped inside…

….only to be greeted with a kick to the head that sent him crashing into a wall.

"You're late Ichigo!" Isshin Kurosaki yelled greeting his son in his normal daily fashion.

As he pulled himself out of the wall, Ichigo forgot about his current problem for a moment. "Damn it! Why can't you greet someone like a normal person for just one day?"

"What's all the noise" Karin asked, soccer ball in hand as she stepped into the room. "Oh, it's just you Ichigo"

Following right behind her was Yuzu, an apron tied around her body. "Welcome home Ichigo"

The colour immediately drained from Ichigo's face at the sight of his two siblings. He moved quickly putting as much space as possible between himself and the pair as possible"

"No. Stay away from me you two!"

"Home come?" Yuzu asked with concern.

"…Because I have cooties! Yeah, that's it"

Silence followed from that statement.

"Really?" Yuzu asked actually believing him while Karin rolled her eyes.

"Sure you do. What's the real reason Ichigo? …and have you been working out recently?"

"Yeah, you look really cute oniichan"

Ichigo nearly pulled his hair out at this point as he grabbed a hold of his crazed father. "Dad, you have to take Karin and Yuzu out of here. Now!"

"Why? They just want to show their love for their older brother"

"That's exactly the problem"

Isshin was about to say more when he finally noticed the current state that his son was in. A big grin formed on his face. "Ah. I see now. You have a girl coming over here"

"What? No! Shut up dad!"

But the elder Kurosaki was already ignoring his son and moving his two daughters towards the door. "Come on girls. We need to leave Ichigo alone so he can get his groove on"

"Awwww"

"Make me proud my son"

"Just go already!"

--------

A few minutes following a lot of scrubbing to get the lipstick off of his face, Ichigo stepped into his room. Ignoring Kon who was on the floor reading a magazine, Ichigo stepped over to his bed and collapsed straight on to it. As he laid there he closed his eyes and tried to think.

_'Okay, so I didn't sense any Hollows there so it wasn't an attack… Many one of sandal-hat's training things? No…even he couldn't be this demented. Then maybe it was just a dream? Yeah I must have just imagined it all!'_

"Hey, what's your problem?"

Ichigo's heart sank as he recognized those words. _'It can't be' _

Slowly the shinigami parted his eyes to see the figure that was suddenly in his room. With a zanpakuto at her waist and regular shinigami clothes on a small black haired body, it didn't take Ichigo long to confirm who it was.

"Rukia!?"

"Rukia!" Kon yelled out in a much happier tone as he leaped up at her chest.

Rukia calmly knocked Kon away to the other side of the room before glaring at Ichigo. "What kind of greeting is that?"

"You're suppose to be at Soul Society!"

"I got bored so I came for a visit"

"Well, you could have called first!"

"Why are you so grumpy today?"

"Because any second you're going to jump on top of me and try to make out with me!"

"……what?"

Ichigo halted in confusion. "Wait, you don't want to make out with me?"

"No!" Rukia screamed. "Why in the world would you think that?"

Ichigo took a deep breath and explained what was going on. After he was done, he waited for the shinigami's response.

"Hahahahahahahaha" Rukia burst out laughing nearly rolling on the floor. "No really, what's going on?"

Ichigo scowled and explained everything

"Hahaha…"

And again.

Finally, after the fourth time, Rukia was able to speak properly again. "You're really serious about this."

"Of course I am!"

Rukia took a moment and began to think. "Okay, so whatever is causing this is defiantly not normally. So until we can figure what it is, the best thing we can do is keep you isolated from anybody that could become affected"

"Alright, but what do I do if lose girls show up at the house looking for me?"

"Leave that to me" Rukia said with a smile as she pulled out her sword. "Dance Sode no Shirayuki"

A long ribbon emerged from the sword as the entire weapon became pure white transforming into its released state. Rukia quickly pointed the sword's tip towards Ichigo's bedroom door.

"First dance, white moon!"

Ice formed from the sword in a circle around Rukia and then moved until both the door and most of all the walls were completed covered in the cold substance. As she put her sword away again, Rukia looked back at a confused Ichigo.

"See? Now, nobody will be able to get in here"

"….or out" she quickly added on with a lustful look in her eyes.

Ichigo paused for a moment before scowling even more and letting out a low string of curse words. "Damn it. Not you to"

Rukia slowly worked her way over towards the orange hair boy. "What's the matter? Don't you find me pretty?"

"No. It's not like that!"

The 13th division member let one of her hands trail to her chest where she loosened her robe a small bit. "We've been through so much together Ichigo. You've always been there for me Ichigo, saving my life and comforting me. All those times I was asleep in your closet just a few feet away. Are you telling me you never felt anything during that time? Not even one little itsy bit?"

Sweat began to pour from Ichigo as he took a loud gulp.

"Let me show you how thankful I am. So…should we use your bedroom or mine?" she said looking over at the closet.

"Mine…wait I mean neither. Neither!"

By now Rukia's robe was so loose that it looked like it could come off at any moment. "Hey Ichigo. Is that a zanpakuto in your pocket or are you just really happy to see me?"

Ichigo's faced paled as he began slowly backing away. "Come on…can't we talk about this?"

"No! Now start taking off your clothes!"

Hey look everyone. We're back at the present.

"Rukia…please stop this. It's not right"

"Well, I would prefer it if you were wearing a Chappy bunny costume but I guess we'll just have to make do"

Before Ichigo could even contemplate the horrible mental images from that…

- Bam -

An explosion came from the side of the room as part of the wall suddenly exploded sending debris ice and wood flying. Luckily no one was hurt, with the exception of Kon who got buried under a pile of rubble. As the smoke from the blast cleared, Ichigo's savoir stepped on to the scene.

"Substitute shinigami Ichigo Kurosaki," Nemu said calmly as she looked over at the young man. "I have come to go all the way with you"

Then again, myabe not.

Ichigo groaned at Nemu who was now dressed back in her shinigami outfit. "How the hell do you keep finding me?"

"More then likely, it is the aphrodisiac effect that has been occurring since I accidentally shot you with Captain Kurotsuchi's dart earlier today"

Ichigo opened his mouth to reply but then stopped right away as Nemu's words came to him. "Dart? You're telling me that every single girl has been coming after me because you hit me with that dart?"

"Yes"

"And you're coming after me yourself even after you know this?"

"That is correct. The effect seems to be quite potent"

"Well obviously I could never be affected by something like that" Rukia said to Ichigo before turning to face the new arrival. "Anyway, back off Nemu! He's mine! Or else!"

Nemu showed no reaction to the threat "I believe the correct response in this situation would be: bring it on bitch!"

Rukia laughed as she pulled back out her blade. "And what are you going to do without your zanpakuto here"

Nemu calmly pulled out her cell phone, pressed a few buttons and in a scene that would make Optimus Prime jealous with rage transformed the small device into a large combination laser cannon and bazooka.

Ichigo looked back and forth between the two combatants trying to get his brain working again. _'There is no way this can get any worse' _

- Bam -

Spoke too soon.

"Neither of you hussies shall lay a finger on my precious Ichigo" a figure declared as she leapt down from the newly formed hole in the ceiling.

"Inoue!" Ichigo cried out as he covered his face to stop blood from pouring out of his nose.

The large breasted girl was now dressed in a red, white and blue sailor suit outfit complete with an extra short skirt. As well, the girl had tied her hair into two long pigtails.

"Evil girls and defilers of true romance beware! I am super sailor solider of love Orihime Inoue" The girl did a twirl before forming a heroic pose and pointing at Ichigo. "And in the name of love, I shall have sex with you!"

Ichigo turned around and promptly began to bang his head against the wall repeatedly. At the same moment, Kon staggered back to his feet directly under Orihime and formed a large grin as he looked up.

"Amazing view"

- Crash -

And thus Kon received a trip to the great outdoors compliments of a one way crash through Mr. Window.

"Now to deal with my rivals of love" Inoue called out. "Attack Tsubaki"

A flash of light and her tiny black haired winged spirit appeared before the group. "What stupid thing did you call me for now woman?"

Orihime smiled at him for a brief moment before grabbing a hold of the spirit in her hand practically crushing him.

"I said…Attack Tsubaki!"

"Of course. Right away master"

Weapons at the ready, the three combatants began looking at one another looking to make the first move. Before the first shot could be fired, Ichigo stopped banging his head and moved to get between the three girls.

"Enough already! What do I have to do to bring an end to all this?"

"Strip?" Nemu suggested.

"Anything but that!"

Rukia, Nemu and Orhime paused for a moment in thought before all responding simultaneously.

"Choose"

"Err…come again?" Ichigo asked nervously.

"Pick which one of us you want Ichigo," Rukia said. "So, who's it going to be?"

Ichigo tried the harsh glare from the six eyes that was staring him down. "Fine then. If I have no choice, then I choose…"

The women leaned in a bit closer.

"Option four"

Inoue put her hand up. "Which of us is option four?"

"Option four is none of the above! See yeah!"

Before anyone could react, Ichigo leaped over the three girls and straight through his bedroom window. As he landed hard on the ground, the shinigami ignored the shards of glass on his body and took off running desperate to put as much distance between himself and his new fan club as possible. Had Ichigo bothered to look for a moment he might have realized that he was being watched.

"There you are my darling Ichigo" a small blonde haired girl said with a giggle. "And very soon, you are going to be all mine"


	3. Chapter 3

"Hahahahahahahahahahaha"

Standing on the Kurosaki family's rooftop, the small blonde haired girl continued to laugh manically even as Ichigo disappeared from sight. After another two minutes with no end in sight to it, two figures nervously stepped up behind her.

"Umm Ririn, are you feeling alright" a glasses wearing man in suit and top hat asked cautiously.

Ririn turned around and faced her fellow mod souls. "Oh course I am! What kind of stupid question is that Kuroud? I'm just getting ready to unleash my master plan!"

"Err…which plan would that be again?"

"My seduction of Ichigo. It is high time he acted on all those feelings he has had for me"

Noba's eyes peered out from his mask. "Since when?"

"Ichigo has always loved me! We have been destined to be together since the beginning of time! And who said you could talk?"

Noba quickly pulled the zipper on his mask shut.

"Anyway, you two are going to help me! Keep my competition busy while I go after Ichigo" Cape trailing behind her, Ririn leaped over to the next rooftop in the direction she had seen her dream boy go in. "Do whatever is necessary to stop them. Or else!"

Kuroud and Noba quickly agreed knowing full well what that girl was capable of when she was ticked off.

Ririn formed a grin as she took off running. "I hope you're ready to play Ichigo"

-------

Play was the furthest thing from Ichigo's mind at the moment. Instead, he had three basic thoughts running through his head.

He was running out of places that he could hide.

Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi is a dead man...err shinigami when he got a hold of him.

All those girls after him were really hot.

"Damn it!" Ichigo cursed forcing the third thought out of his head so he could focus. Standing in a small alley, he cautiously peered out making sure no females were nearby ready to attack. Seeing that the coast was still clear for now he took a deep breath.

'_Okay, so girls everywhere are chasing after me and they seem to be able to track me. School is out of the question and they already know where I live. It wouldn't do any good to try hiding out with Chad or Ishida. Think Ichigo, think'_

An invisible Soul Society brand light bulb suddenly flashed above Ichigo's head.

"The vizard! I can hide out with them. Their base is well hidden plus they have barriers. It's perfect!"

Ichigo was impressed with his genius plan that he could just picture it right now…

"Better luck next time ladies" Ichigo called out standing inside the glowing orange barrier while the legion of women were on the outside pounding away endlessly. Ignoring their romantic outbursts, Ichigo closed his eyes ready to catch up on some long over due rest.

"Hey Ichigo!"

Ichigo blinked and looked back to see Hiyori moving towards him. The short hot headed vizard was dressed in her typical red jogging suit and flanked on the other females in the group: Lisa and Mashiro.

"Get over here!" she ordered. "It's time for some up close and intimate training"

As the words came out, the pace of the three girls quickened while they all simultaneously formed their hollow masks over their faces.

At the sight of the hollow masks Ichigo turned and began pounding on the barrier desperate to get out. "Let me out her! Shinji, help me!"

Watching the whole spectacle from a safe distance away was Shinji along with the other male vizard. The blonde boy just grinned and waved at Ichigo.

"Don't worry. I'm pretty sure that they are not going to do anything permanent to yeah."

The light bulb quickly burned out and shattered.

"So much for that idea" Ichigo muttered, "Maybe I can…I can…"

'_Go have sex with all of them'_

"Yeah, go have sex with all of them. Wait, no. I'm not doing that!"

'_Come on, you know you want to' _

Growling in annoyance at the other voice Ichigo's closed his eyes to focus. "Shut up! I already defeated so there is no chance in hell of me letting you take over and do anything!"

Ichigo reopened his eyes and blinked in shocked as he was no longer in the alley but rather the sideways building landscape of his mind. Standing across from him with his usual cocky grin was the white hollow version of himself.

"I don't have time to kick your ass…again" Ichigo said shooting a death glare at his counterpart.

The hollow slowly raised his hands up "Wait wait wait...hear me out for a second. You're the king, right?"

"…yeah"

"Well, what's a king without a royal harem?"

"…" Ichigo just kept staring the hollow down.

"And have you seen the boobs on that Inoue girl?"

Ichigo turned and walked away. "I'm leaving now"

"What the hell are you? Gay?"

"Ichigo"

Ichigo froze at the other voice turning around in surprise. "Old man Zangetsu"

Black coat billowing in an invisible wind, the spirit of Ichigo's zanpakuto stood floating a bit off the ground a slight bit. He looked down at Ichigo with no visible emotion as he spoke.

"Ichigo when you are sad, it rains here. But when you are happy, the sun comes out from behind the clouds. I like the sun. I especially like really bright and sunny days"

"Okay…" Ichigo said slowly.

"Bright and sunny days" Zangetsu repeated.

Ichigo kept staring at him not getting it.

"When you are really happy" the spirit said, adding in a wink.

This time it clicked in the teenage shinigami's head.

"Both of you are freaking perverts!" he yelled pointing an accusing finger at the two.

"What's you point?" the hollow asked.

-------

Meanwhile back at Fem Brawl 17 aka Ichigo's bedroom….

Rukia weakly held her zanpakuto with one hand struggling to stand upright.

Orihime moaned in pain as she clutched her head focusing on keeping her barrier up.

Panting heavily, Nemu let her laser cannon drop the floor, the device completely out of power.

Warzone could not begin to the carnage that had occurred in the room. Shards of ice littered over the wrecked bed and floor, slash marks courtesy of Inoue's fairy decorated the walls like an insane scribbler and cannon blasts gave new meaning to the concept of multiple windows and skylight.

On the bright side of things, the girls had managed to come out relatively unharmed. Well with the exception of destroyed clothing that left Nemu, Rukia, and Orihime in nothing but black, white, and light blue bra and panties respectfully.

"Alright…" Rukia wheezed, "Are we all in agreement?"

"Yes" Inoue nodded quickly.

Nemu also nodded. "This is the most logical way to proceed"

"Okay, so here's the plan. Step 1: We use our skills to track down Ichigo. Step 2: We shackled him to the nearest bed so he can't run away again."

"I brought handcuffs with me" Orihime called out excitedly she held up a pair with fluffy pink trim.

"And finally Step 3: We make the hunky boy choose or finish our battle to decide who get him for keeps!"

All three women held up their fists in confirmation of their declaration of war.

"It is unlikely that he has had much time to get away" Nemu commented studying the broken window that Ichigo had jumped out of. If we spread out, we will be able to catch up with him"

"Let's get going ladies!"

"Ichigo, we're home"

The three girls froze as they heard Yuzu's voice. It was quickly followed by knocking on the door causing said door to fall off its hinges. Ichigo's little sister looked at the door in shock before peering up and seeing the destroyed room and the half naked women inside it.

"…"

"…"

"…umm hi there" Yuzu finally managed to say forming a smile.

"Hello" Nemu responded calmly.

"Is Ichigo here?"

Inoue began to stammer. "Well…kinda…you see Ichigo is…"

"Tired!" Rukia yelled quickly butting in. "He's tired, so he's resting"

"Yeah that's it! He's resting because he got really worn out by us" Orihime added on.

"Oh okay" Yuzu said turning around. "Let him sleep a bit longer then"

Humming a light tune the young girl headed back downstairs. "Wow, I never knew my brother was such a pimp" she said to herself.

A few moments later…

"THREE GIRLS! Oh, Masaki. I've found our third, fourth and fifth daughters! Ichigo is exactly like his old man! He makes me...sniff…so proud"

"Stop saying stuff that will mentally scar us for life!" Karin roared as a loud smack was heard.

-------

"Ichigo, where are you?"

"Please come out and play with us"

"I baked cookies to show you my love"

These and several other cries of affection echoed the street as a large group of girls made their way through the town, all looking for the same boy. The main portion of the group was girls from the school but some other random had joined up as well being caught in the pheromone fever.

"Come on, we're almost to his house. We'll probably find him there"

At the front of the girls and leading the way was Tatsuki. While she was just as affected as anyone else there, it didn't change the fact that she was still a top ranked expert in karate. Thus, she had a bit of a leg up in fighting off the other competitors.

Chizuru also followed along with the group but not with the same enthusiasm. Head lowered down a bit the spectacled lesbian stared at a single flower plucking petals from it one by one.

"I love Orihime, I love Ichigo, I love Orihime, I love Ichigo, I love Orihime, I love…Ichigo?"

Groaning in frustration, Chizuru tossed the rest of the flower away.

"Oh what is wrong with me? Inoue is still my beloved princess. But now I can't stop looking at that boy toy Ichigo. What is wrong with me? How am I supposed to choose one of them? I feel so conflicted!"

Without warning, Chizuru came to a complete halt nearly tripping up other members of the group. Her face shot back up with a huge smile as the girl had an on the spot epiphany.

"We can have a threesome!"

Right…moving on then.

"Hey look!"

"It's Ichigo!"

Ichigo stood further up the street smiling as the large group approached him.

"Hello there ladies" he called out with a wave. "How are you all…"

"Grab him" Tatsuki roared as the crowd surged forward.

"Agghh" Ichigo turned and ran in the other direction as fast as possible. Looking back over his shoulder he could see the girls gaining on him every second.

"Anytime now Noba!" he yelled out.

On the street a red portal appeared on the ground and spread out. Each girl only had time to cry out in surprise as they dropped into the void and vanished from sight. After all of them were gone, the portal vanished and Noba teleported on to the street. Ichigo nodded at him in thanks before changing back into his regular appearance of Kuroud.

"Well now, that was quite a close call wasn't it?" the mod soul said. He formed a nervous look over at his companion. "You did send them to the other side of town right?"

"Yes"

"Ah that's good" Kuroud was silent for a few moments. "Ririn did tell us to do anything to stop them, didn't she?"

"Yes" Noba said but this time with a sigh having an idea on where his friend was going with this.

A few moments later, Noba formed a second but much smaller portal n the air. It stayed there for a moment before a large number of shirts, pants, skirts, and other various pieces of female clothing fell out.

-------

"Alright, I'm nearly there" Ichigo panted.

The boy was back on the move after dealing with the annoyances in his head. As well he had finally figured out where to go. Now it was just a matter of making these last few blocks to the place.

Ichigo turned another corner and suddenly stopped as thick mist came out of nowhere. It circled around Ichigo blocking his view of everything.

"Hi there Ichigo" a voice called out.

Ichigo turned trying to go back the way he came but a brick wall appeared blocking his path. Looking to the left and right, walls formed on both sides there boxing him in. Turning back to the one direction left to go, Ichigo watched as Ririn stepped out of the mist. The girl appeared for a second in her pink jacket before that suddenly changed into a pink shimmering ballroom gown.

"Hi there Ririn" Ichigo called out nervously to the illusion creator.

"Hello Ichigo" the girl replied with a giggle. "You look very handsome today"

"Thanks. I really need to get through here"

Ririn paused putting a finger to her lip as she thought. "Alright, before I do…you must give me a kiss Ichigo!"

"Okay"

Before Ririn had a chance to react, Ichigo embraced the girl in his arms and gave her a passionate kiss on the lips. He held the kiss for over a minute before finally letting go and coming back up for air. As he did the mod soul blushed while being completely flustered.

"Ichigo…that was…amazing"

At those words, a very large and mischievous grin formed on Ichigo's face. "Heh, I always knew you had the hots for me baby. Come here and get some more"

Ririn suddenly frowned. Something didn't seem right about all this. Also there was Ichigo's voice. It sounded a bit off. In fact, the voice almost sounded like…

"KON!!!"

At the sound of the loud female scream, Ichigo (the real one this time, honest) smiled.

"Well, it looks like my plan worked. Thanks a lot Kon"

Black robes on and Zangetsu strapped to his back, Ichigo was now in his shinigami form and currently making good use of its extra speed. Using shunpo, Ichigo covered the distance in a matter of seconds and landed directly at the Urahara Shop.

Standing outside the shop was Jinta and Ururu the latter sweeping up the area as usual. She looked up as Ichigo appeared in front of them.

"Hello…"

That was all the black haired girl had a chance to say before Ichigo punched her as hard as possible knocking Ururu unconscious.

"Hey! What did you do that for?" Jinta yelled as he pointed his large metal bat at the shinigami.

"Precautionary measures"

At this precise moment Kisuke Urahara stepped out his store. Dressed in his usual sandals and striped bucket hat, he looked at the fallen Ururu before looking at his visitor.

"Is something the matter Ichigo?"

Ichigo took a deep breath. "We need to talk Urahara. Immediately"

"Alright then. Come on inside"

As Ichigo followed the former shinigami captain inside, he felt a bit of relief as for the first time today, something was actually going right for him.

-------

"Sir, here is the latest report on the strange occurrence in Karakura town"

The other man said nothing as he accepted the paper. Still the lowly ranked shinigami office was used to this so he just left, leaving his captain in peace to read the document. The captain skimmed over the details of the report, picking up on the important pieces. In particular two names jumped out at him. The first one was in fact Rukia. And the second…

"Ichigo Kurosaki" the sixth division captain Byakuya Kuchiki grumbled out with distaste as he crushed the papers in his fist.


	4. Chapter 4

Tick tock, tick tock…

Ichigo Kurosaki scowled at sandal hats more commonly referred to as Kisuke Urahara.

Urahara stared back with his typical clam smile.

Tick tock…

Each second seemed like an eternity as the two kept staring at each other.

"Well?" Ichigo blurted out.

"Okay, let's see if I understand correctly," the former captain began. "Nemu shot you with some kind of dart."

"Yes"

"Since then, every girl that comes in contact with you ends up falling madly in love?"

"Exactly"

"And you've been chased around by these girls almost the entire day?"

Ichigo just nodded, sick of having to keep constantly explain the situation.

"And you now want me to get you into Soul Society because?"

"So I can find a cure and then kill that blasted Mayuri."

"Ah, I see." Urahara was silent for a few moments in thought. "My, this is a funny story you've come up with Ichigo" he said with a laugh as he held his fan in front of his face.

Ichigo growled. "It's the truth! So, are you going to let me into Soul Society or not?"

The shopkeeper lowered his fan and looked at him seriously. "Well, you certainly are determined about this Ichigo. But you have to admit, what you are telling me does sound a little farfetched"

"Oh, I don't know about that" a third voice suddenly interrupted.

Ichigo froze in terror on the spot. "Oh god no, not Yoruichi"

The black cat strolled into the room staring at Ichigo like he was a mouse waiting to be pounced on.

"It's been so long since you've come to see me Ichigo. I'm hurt."

Yoruichi let a yawn before stretching. As she did her body began to glow and rise up changing to human form with black cat fur being replaced by smooth chocolate skin. Ichigo immediately covered his face with his hands while Urahara looked over at his female friend.

"Umm Yoruichi, perhaps you should wait until after Ichigo leaves before you do that?"

As her lips formed, Yoruichi smiled sweetly at him. "Kisuke. Why don't you go play with your toys? Ichigo and I have some stuff to discuss alone"

"Okay" Urahara immediately turned and leaned over to Ichigo whispering. "I take it this is what has been happening with all the other girls?" he asked.

Despite keeping his hands in front of his face, Ichigo paused in thought at this. "Actually, she doesn't seem that different then before"

"What?"

"Well this isn't really the first time she has done this" he said referring to Yoruichi's now nude body.

"…" For the first time in a century or perhaps even two, Kisuke Urahara had a completely shocked look on his face.

Exactly two minutes later…

Ichigo gasped in surprise at the large portal in front of him.

"There you are Kurosaki. A direct opening to Soul Society for you. I hope you enjoy your trip"

The shinigami glanced back at Urahara. "But, what about…"

Kisuke accidentally knocked Ichigo into the portal with his cane. "Opps, no time for that. Good luck Ichigo and don't you dare think about coming back here until you get this mess straightened out!"

--------

"That was the worst display I have ever seen!"

The men of the shinigami Special Forces flinched as their captain yelled at them. Soifon marched back and forth amongst the lined up troops glaring at every signal one of them.

"You were slow, not in perfect unity and most of all incompetent. Do you really expect to be ready for Aizen's forces like this?"

The troops lowered their heads in shame.

Soifon took a deep breath. "Alright then. For our next bit of training, we'll…"

Soifon stood there for a moment not saying anything.

"We'll…"

"Captain?" one of the troops asked concerned.

"It's nothing" Soifon muttered shaking her head a bit. "As I was saying we'll…"

--------

Shunsui Kyoraku was hard at work as always in the 8th division offices. Which of course meant he was doing nothing but drinking sake and taking naps.

As he took another sip and let out a content sigh, he glanced over at his lieutenant who was actually doing work. "Nanao-chan, why don't you take a break and join me here for a while?"

"…okay"

Shunsui nodded for a moment before nearly spitting up his drink at those words. Coughing a bit he looked over at Nanao Ise. "Did you just say okay?"

Nanao adjusted her glasses and looked back at her captain although it was a distant one.

"Yes," she replied sounding very distracted.

Shunsui felt something was off but felt that it needed to be put to the test.

"Nanao-chan," he started seriously. "I order you to stop what you doing, come to my room, and have wild and passionate love with me"

The captain braced himself of the oncoming hit to the head but none came.

"Sure thing"

Shunsui sat straight up adjusting his pink haori and drowning the last bit of sake. "Something strange is going on here"

--------

"No…anything but this"

Rangiku Matsumoto face was full of dread, her eyes wide and in shock. Before her was one of the worst monstrosities to ever graze. Hollows or even an Arrancar wouldn't have been as bad as this. But sadly this was not the case. The 10th division lieutenant had no option to but the evil…dreadful…paperwork.

"Oh there's just too much of it" the girl moaned looking at the huge stacks on her desk. "I'll be an old lady by the time I get all these done"

Rangiku's head looked over to the corner of her office where she kept a few spare bottles of sake for emergency purposes. "Hmm, I'm sure the captain would understand if I took just a little break…"

"Matsumoto!"

Rangiku flinched at the sound of her captain's voice from the other room. "Yes captain?"

"Don't even think about leaving until you have all that paperwork done"

"Of course captain. I would never think of doing anything else"

Rangiku sighed before looking back to see if Toshiro was actually looking at her. Seeing that he wasn't, she giggled and reached for her sword pulling it out as silently as possible.

"Growl Haineko" she whispered.

Immediately, the sword dissolved into a fine ash and under its wielder's control moved over the stacks of paper cutting them into tiny shreds.

"Hahaha…the perfect crime"

Toshiro Hitsugaya tapped his foot impatiently as he stood behind his lieutenant watching the destruction of the paperwork. "Matsumoto, what do you think you are doing?" he asked trying to hold his temper in check.

Rangiku stood there not saying anything nor turning around…

"I just asked you a question, Matsumoto"

Still no response.

Toshiro was beyond pissed now as he walked straight up in front of her "Damnit, are you ignoring…"

The small white haired captain stopped and blinked. His well endowed subordinate was still sitting there but looked like she was in some sort of trance. Her eyes were wide and she had a huge smile with a large blush accompanying it. Toshiro waved his hand in front of her a few times and when that didn't work, he tried knocking on her head.

"Matsumoto!" he yelled trying to get her to snap out of it. "Jeez, what the…"

--------

"…hell is wrong with you?" Kenpachi Zaraki grumbled really ticked off.

The source of his irritation was surprisingly Yachiru Kusajishi who was acting very strange. Instead of being her usual sugar fueled happy hyper self, the small girl was now quiet and spending her entire time staring out one of the division headquarters' windows.

"Nothing" the small pink girl said not bothering to look back at Kenpachi.

The response only made Zaraki groan even more. It was a common fact that the 11th division captain disliked thinking of any sort. It took time away from fighting and other acts of violence plus it gave him a headache. Naturally the one exception to this rule of life for him was if the thinking was about violence and fighting. Still right at the moment Yachiru wasn't being Yachiru and there was no one around that he could beat up for answers. Thus no violence was capable of being processed and by logic Kenpachi's thinking had to unfortunately fall in under the non violence category thus leading to a headache.

"Out with it already!" he shouted.

Yachiru finally turned and grinned at the captain. "He's here"

"Who is?"

"Ichigo" she said dreamily

"Ichigo…" Zaraki's brain shifted gears and he suddenly formed a bright sadistic grin. "Perfect. We can finally have that fight!"

Yachiru suddenly began to laugh. "You're silly Ken-chan. You don't need to do that"

"Why not?"

"Because Ichigo is way stronger then you"

"….WHAT!?"

--------

Ichigo groaned as he picked himself up off the ground. At the same time, he thought a heard a loud yell coming from somewhere in the distance.

_'Jeez figures that jerk couldn't send me through a portal that let me out in midair. Still…'_

Ichigo stood fully up recognizing the familiar tall buildings and stone pathways of Soul Society.

_'At least he got me to the right place'_

He started moving down the pathway looking around.

"Okay. Which way do I go to get to the 12th division?"

- Wham -

Without warning Ichigo now found himself pinned up against the side of a wall.

"What's your hurry big boy?" Soifon whispered into his ear as she held him in place while looking at him with lust filled eyes.

Surprisingly, the first thing that popped into Ichigo's head this time was not fear. Rather it was a question.

"How the hell did you find me so quickly?"

--------

How indeed.

For that answer let's turn our attention back to one Kisuke Urahara who was musing on the current situation.

_'Ichigo's spirit energy has always been quite large compared to every one else. That and the fact that he has no self control over it causes it to leak it out constantly. Whatever was in the dart that Nemu hit him with must have created a chemical reaction with the energy. It is would explain why girls would start becoming attracted to him just by being near him. Still, if that is the case then entering Soul Society might not have been such a good idea. In an area comprised completely of spirit partials, not only should the pheromone effect be that much stronger but it would also then spread out faster to a much larger radius. Hmm…'_

Urahara suddenly stopped his thinking as he waved his fan in front of himself and laughed. "Oh well. I'm sure Ichigo is smart enough to figure that out himself. Amway, to more important things. We must protect my store at all costs!"

"Mmmmpphhh"

He glanced down at the bound and gagged Yoruichi by his feet.

"Oh don't worry. I'll bring you some milk in a bit" he said nicely

"They're coming" Jinta yelled from the roof of the shop as off in the distance a large stampede could be heard.

"Ichigo, Ichigo, Ichigo!" the crowd of rabid fan girls chanted as they charged forward.

Standing between them and the entrance was the Urahara Shop appointed guardians. First up was

First up was Tessai: the large, muscular, kido blasting, girly apron wearing store employee.

"Such madness," he remarked gravely, "I haven't seen a mob like this since last year's 50 off sale"

Standing beside him was Chad, silent as ever was his power arm out and ready to strike. And last but not least was Uryu Ishida. The young man was decked out in his typical Quincy outfit, with his bow outstretched as he managed to find a way to recover his Quincy powers for the fifth time.

"Somebody remind me why I'm here again" he muttered.

As the women began to get closer, Chad's eyes suddenly widened in shock. "Ishida! Some of those girls are not wearing any clothes."

The Quincy squinted to get a closer look. "You right. Then there is only one thing we can do."

A brief dramatic pause.

"Quick Sado! To the sewing store!"

And with that Uryu heroically charged off, his Quincy cape blowing in the wind. He practically leapt over the nearby buildings in single bounds on his quest for fabric. Tessai turned and looked at Chad.

"Are you going to follow your friend?"

Chad took a glance at the running Uryu and then took a longer look at the hundred or so barely dressed girls nearly on top of them.

"No"

--------

"Stupid stupid stupid Kon!"

Ririn fumed. She ranted. She screamed at the top of her lungs as she kicked garbage cans and any other objects out of her way.

"How dare he impersonate Ichigo and steal a kiss from me!" she growled as she marched forward. "I would have beaten the crap out of him even more if he hadn't turned around and ran away!"

Ririn suddenly cam to stop as her legs bumped into something. Looking down she was a little surprised to see Kuroud and Noba lying in the middle of street, both heavily bruised.

"Hey what are you two doing? Get up." she said kicking both of them a couple of times. "You're suppose to be keeping the hussies busy while I get Ichigo all for myself"

Kuroud could only moan in pain there. Noba managed to get a hand up and point a shaking finger behind the mod soul girl before collapsing again.

"What?" Ririn muttered as she turned around and immediately gulped.

Standing in front of her was the Victoria Secret's trio of Rukia, Orihime, and Nemu. The underwear clad girls all smiled at Ririn while simultaneously cracking their knuckles.

"Uh Oh"

"Get her!"

--------

Meanwhile back with Ichigo the chick magnet….

"You smell like Yoruichi" Soifon purred. At the same the time, she called upon the stinger form of her zanpakuto and began using it to cut up Ichigo's shinigami robes making his chest visible.

"Grr…Get off me you crazy woman!" Using all of his strength, Ichigo managed to push Soifon off of him. Immediately he pulled out Zangetsu and pointed it at her.

"Stay back." he threatened. "Don't make use this!"

Soifon smirked at him. "So you want to do some foreplay first? That's fine with me"

Just as Ichigo was quite ready to actually swing the sword…

"Stop it both you!"

The two glanced to the side to se the captain of the 4th division Retsu Unohana staring down both of them.

"Hey, I saw him first" Soifon glared.

"Soifon, please stop. It is obvious that something is affecting and causing you to act in this unusual way" Unohana then turned her attention towards Ichigo. "Ichigo Kurosaki, if you come with me my division we should be able to run some tests and determine a way to stop this."

Ichigo looked ready to follow but then stopped himself. "What kind of tests?" he asked suspiciously.

A small blush formed on Unohana's face. "Well first of all, I would have to do an extensive full body search"

"Ha, I knew it!" Ichigo slowly backed away from the two keeping his sword pointed at them. "You're going have to do better then that to get me!"

And it would have been true had Ichigo bothered to look behind and see the large book coming for his head before it was too late.

Nanao smiled triumphantly with her book in hand as Ichigo fell to the ground unconscious. "Good work ladies," she said to her two fellow captains as more female shinigami appeared and carried the young man away. "Ichigo Kurosaki is now the property of the Shinigami Women's Association"


	5. Chapter 5

_My name is Ichigo Kurosaki._

_When I received shinigami powers, my life was changed since that day onward._

_Now I swing my sword in order to protect my friends and family._

_Of course, it would be a bit easier..._

"If you physco people would let me out of here!"

Ichigo was on most occasions polite with women. But after the day he was having, he didn't feel like being polite anymore. Especially, after a group of women referred to as the Shinigami Women Association attacked him, dragged him off to their office and tied him tightly to a chair.

- Flash -

And, oh yeah. They also took pictures of him.

"Oh that scowl of yours is so cute" said Rangiku Matsumoto as she leaned in for a close up with her camera.

That comment of course made Ichigo scowl even more.

"These are going to be great for our Ichigo calendar"

"Enough with the pictures for now" Nanao Ise said as she looked over the assembled captains and vice captains. "Is everyone here?"

Momo Hinamori thought for a moment. "Everyone is here except Nemu and the president. Nemu had some sort of mission in the real world but I don't know what would be keeping Yachiru"

------

"Turn left Ken-chan! Left!"

"You sure this is the right way?"

"Of course! My directions are always perfect!"

------

"Well we can't wait for her forever. What should we do with our precious Ichigo first?"

"Rip off all his clothes?" Rangiku suggested.

"…Agreed" everyone else said together.

Ichigo's eyes went wide as he tried with all his strength to break free. "Hey come on! You can't do that to me"

"Sorry, your muscular body is just too good looking to resist"

"Here. Allow me"

The group of women looked in surprise as an unfamiliar face stepped forward. Young looking, the girl had her brown haired tied up and a pair of gold rimmed glasses on her face. Also in her hands was a large shotgun looking weapon.

Ichigo knew that he had seen her before but couldn't place the face or a name to go with it. "Umm…who are you?" he asked hesitantly.

The girl's face showed a bit of dissapointment look at Ichigo "It's me. Ran Tao"

Ichigo face still showed confusion as well as the other women members. Ran Tao sighed a bit.

"I used to work here before"

"…"

"Got kicked out about a hundred years ago"

"…"

"I helped create the Bounts"

"What's a bount?"

Ran Tao sighed even more loudly. "The anime filler arc" she muttered.

"Oh. Now I remember"

"Hey it's Ran Tao!"

"Nice to see you again"

"Anyway" the former researcher said aiming her gun at Ichigo. "This spiritual molecular disintegration device is programmed to destabilize all clothing materials that it comes in contact with. Please hold still while it strips you."

Ichigo immediately did the opposite and began struggling with all his might. Ran Tao hit the trigger sending a pure white beam to come shooting out. Just before it hit, the struggling boy managed to put enough weigh on the side of the chair causing it to tip over. The blast missed him by a few centimeters and everyone watched as it instead went flying out of a nearby window.

"Opps"

------

Captain Shigekuni Yamamoto-Genryūsai stared out from his balcony at the whole area of Soul Society. Despite being older then most others, one did become commander of the Gotei 13 without much skill and experience. As such his gaze was everyone not messing a single event or thing that happened in the area.

"Hmm…it's quiet today" He said to himself rubbing his beard. "Maybe, a little too quiet"

A sudden flash of light appeared before Yamamoto causing him to blink a few times. As he did the light faded as quickly as it had appeared.

"What was that just now? And why does it suddenly feel draftier in here?"

Lieutenant Chojiro made his way quickly through the 1st division halls. In his hands were documents of vital importance that needed to be looked at by his captain right away. Chojiro entered Captain Yamamoto's office, saw that he was wearing nothing but his very old birthday suit and immediately reversed directions. On second thought, the papers could wait.

------

"Just give me a few moments here while the device recharges" Rantao said fiddling with the gun.

"Forget that"

"You had your chance!"

"I want to cuddle with Ichigo-kun"

"No, me!"

As the ladies began to argue, Isane Kotetsu stepped forward from the group of girls. "Hi there…" she managed to get out before being tackled by her sister Kiyone.

"No fair sis. You always get everything first" Kiyone complained loudly.

"That's because I'm older and higher ranked then you"

"Why, I'm the prettier one!"

"Grr…get off me you brat!"

"Obviously a captain has the most right to have the boy first" Soifon stated glaring at everyone else in the room.

Unohana nodded at her before starting to move forward. "Yes. Therefore, I shall proceed"

"I was talking about me!"

The healing captain stopped and turned back with a sincere smile. "My apologies. I figured you would be too busy with your cat fetish"

"Well at least I don't have a freakish hair style" Soifon shoot looking at her braids. "Who in their right mind would find that attractive?"

"…Nobody insults my hair!" Unohana roared enraged, as she quickly slapped her fellow captain.

Never to back down from a challenge Soifon responded with an equally hard slap. "Oh now it's on"

"Enough of this!" Nanao called out. "As, the highest ranking member of the women's association present I have the final say in this and I've decided that I get to have Ichigo!"

From his position on the floor, Ichigo peered up at the glasses wearing shinigami. "Well at least you don't seem too dangerous"

Nanao grinned at him before ripping off her shinigami robes and forcing Ichigo to reevaluate his statement.

Ichigo Kurosaki, meet Ise Nanao. A hard working lieutenant of the 8th division that looked she was born in a library. Now meet the same Ise Nanao, only this time clad in a black leather dominatrix outfit complete with whip accessory.

"Let's begin" she stated sternly cracking the whip a few times.

It's always the quiet ones folks.

Ichigo could watch with a sickened face as Nanao got closer. "I don't know why this had to happen to me or what I did to deserve this, but if anybody out there can hear me…PLEASE HELP ME!!!!"

- Boom -

An explosion rocked through the roof of the building causing Nanao to back up in surprise and the rest of the group to stop fighting. A lone figured leaped down from the hole in front of Ichigo with his zanpakuto pointed out at the women.

"Nobody move"

As the dust settled, Ichigo was able to recognize his savior and he cried out in joy.

"Toshiro!"

The white haired captain of squad 10 spun around with a displeased look on his face. "That's captain Hitsugaya!"

------

A few miles away…or maybe it was just a few blocks. It's kind of hard to tell when every single street in a place looks exactly the same.

A lone shinigami works his way through the streets hard at work. And why wouldn't he be happy? It was a bright and sunny without a cloud in the sky. Not a single sign of enemy attacks or emergencies anyway. Also there was the fact that the young shinigami had finally been recognized for his hard work by being given a vital task.

The shinigami? One Hanataro Yamada, the 7th seat of the 4th division. The task? Why sweeping of course!

As he pushed another bit of dust to the side, Hanataro started to hum a cheery tune.

"Today is a great day. No one has made fun of me or picked on me even once. Yup, nothing could go wrong on a day like this"

Naturally with those key words Murphy's Law kicked in and a portal suddenly opened in front of the healer. Dropping his broom in shock the boy could only watch as figures came out of the gateway one by one.

First up was Rukia wearing a white bra and panties. After that there was Nemu clad in black underwear and Orihime in light blue. Ririn plopped out next of the portal in a matching pink set. Immediately after her was Tatsuki, who was also clad in white with a pair of briefs and a sports bra.

Hold on as second. Tatsuki in soul society? For those wondering how she of all people could have ended up here…well that's a plot hole for another day.

Last but certainly not least was Yoruichi in none of the above. None of the above meaning that this was Yoruichi and she didn't bother with simple things like clothing.

All the girls looked to be fine with a few bumps and scratches on their bodies, most inflicted by one another. Looking around, they spotted the one person in the area who already had both hands over his nose to stop the blood from pouring out.

Rukia marched forward. "Hanataro, where's Ichigo?"

"Rukia-san!" Hanataro gasped out his face bright red. "Ichigo…is here?"

A loud explosion suddenly sounded off in the distance causing everyone to turn their heads.

"Never mind"

The group immediately sped off towards the area where their man had to be. Only Yoruichi held back for a second allowing Hanataro to get a closer look before winking and disappearing, using flash steps to catch up. That was all the poor shinigami could take as blood came gushing out in rivers and he collapsed to the ground.

"Yup...perfect day" he muttered with a small smile before falling unconscious.

------

Ichigo shook his hands getting the feeling back in them. He quickly picked up Zangetsu and held it with a death grip not wanting to take any chances.

"Thanks Toshiro…"

"Captain Hitsugaya"

"Right. Keep them busy while I get out of here"

"Hold it" Ichigo froze as Toshiro gave him a cold look. "I want an explanation from somebody. Exactly what is going on around here?"

"Oh captain, we're just confessing our eternal love for Ichigo here"

The two of them turned at Rangiku's voice and immediately looked away again, faces bright red.

"Matsumoto! Put some clothes on damnit!"

"But don't you like what you see?" The well endowed lieutenant asked her whole body on display thanks to the small black bikini she was wearing that coincidently looked to be a few sizes too small. She quickly posed for the two boys. "No man can resist my chest. Would you like to feel them?"

"No!" Toshiro and Ichigo shouted together.

"Aww Rangiku. You're trying to get all the attention for yourself" Hinamori complained stepping up besides her dressed in a silk white teddy.

"Bed…wetter…momo" Toshiro stuttered out at his friend.

It was very rare that anything could actually faze Toshiro Hitsugaya. However seeing one of his oldest and closest friends dressed in sexy lingerie definitely counted as an exception. Hinamori gave a polite smile at Toshiro but then turned her full attention on Ichigo.

"Sorry Shiro-chan" she said. "I'm busy right now with Ichigo so I can't play with you. Maybe later"

"But if you get out of our way, we'll let you watch" Rangiku called out cheerfully.

That lovely comment caused Toshiro to break out of his stupor. The captain swung his sword and pointed it at Ichigo's throat. "Now I really want some answers. What the hell did you do to them?"

As this was going on, Hinamori continued to watch Ichigo with awe. _'Ichigo is so amazing. He is even better then captain Aizen'_

------

"Achoo" A man with dangerous looking brown hair let out a smell sneeze as he leaned back on his throne gazing at an orb showing him the events of Karakura town.

"Lord Aizen"

Aizen glanced to the front to see Ulquiorra Schiffer kneeling before him. The ever faithful arrancar looked up at him.

"What is it that you wish of me?"

Aizen was silent for a moment looking back at the orb. "It seems that Ichigo Kurosaki has become quite popular with ladies all of a sudden"

"Yes, it is quite strange. Should I investigate further for you?"

"Yes. But as a precautionary measure make sure that Halibel and other female arrancar remain here for the time being.

"Of course" Ulquiorra said preparing to leave.

"Hold on!" another voice called out interrupting the two. "Why the hell does he get to go?"

Grimmjow Jeagerjaques stepped forward, pushing Ulquiorra out of his way. "Let me go. That way, I can fight Ichigo and show all those ladies who the real man is!"

Aizen took an amazing five seconds to consider Grimmjow's request looking over the large and muscular blue haired arrancar. "No"

"Why not?" the violent arrancar asked.

Ulquiorra glared at him. "Show some respect to Lord Aizen. His word is law"

"Oh you always were a little suck up"

Before the futile argument could continue, Aizen interrupted the two.

"Tell me," Aizen started, "Do you think I could attract as many females as Ichigo?"

Grimmjow scoffed at the question while Ulquiorra nodded his head immediately. "Of course you could"

"And tell me…do you also think that I am pretty?"

Ulquiorra started to answer but stopped as he fully heard the question. Eyes widened, he looked over at Grimmjow who had had an equally shocked look on his face. The two looked back at Aizen who now had an eerie smile on his face, almost Gin like.

A frown came on the leader's face as neither Espada responded. The frown only deepened more when the two started backing away slowly before turning around and racing out the room.

------

"Look, I don't have time to explain everything!" Ichigo said defensively backing up from Toshiro's ice blade. "More girls could show up here at any second. You have to trust me when I say that this isn't my fault"

Toshiro glanced back at the women's association who had somehow managed to form colorful banners and signs and were now cheering their hero on to victory while still occasionally fighting amongst each other.

"I don't believe you"

"Fine then" Ichigo said before forming a smirk. "But I still don't see how you're going to stop me little man"

Toshiro eyes flared up in a homicidal rage causing Ichigo to become quite afraid. "Little? I'll show you little…Bankai"

As the ice dragon wings formed and lifted Captain Hitsugaya into the air, Ichigo swore in disbelief. "Crap, I forgot he could do that. Guess I have to…"

"Bankai"

If the emotionless voice wasn't a clue enough, the swords rising out of the ground all sides kind of gave it away. Ichigo slowly turned around and faced Byakuya Kuchiki who looked even less happy then Ichigo.

"Ichigo Kurosaki, you will pay for trying to defile my sister"

"What? No way! I didn't do anything Byakuya. Err…Rukia came on to me!"

"A member of the Kuchiki would never belittle themselves with such trash" the 6th division captain said as he formed a sword in his hand. "Now will die for your acts and traitorous lies"

Before Byakuya could unleash his kick ass justice…yeah you guessed it…

"Bankai!"

Ichigo barely got his sword up in time to prevent himself from being eaten by a gigantic bone snake. "Renji!"

Renji glared down from one of the building tops where he was holding on to his bankai. "Ichigo, what's the big idea of you moving in on my turf"

"...What?"

"I've been flirting with Rukia for years, working up for the perfect moment when I would make her mine. And then you waltz in and screw everything up! I'm going to take you down and when I'm done Rukia is only goanna want to make out with me"

"Renji"

Renji froze realizing for the first time that his captain was also there. "Oh captain" he called out. "I didn't see you there. You know I was joking about all that, right"

Byakuya's eyes narrowed. "I will deal you with you later Renji"

"Ichigo Kurosaki" Captain Kyokotsu said sternly stepping into view with his twin blades ready to go. "You turned my beloved Nanao-chan into some… love struck fan girl. I'm not quite sure if I should kill you or thank you just yet.

"Ichigo! Let make babies!"

"What the hell?" Ichigo scrambled to get the pink haired menace of doom aka Yachiru that had suddenly appeared out of nowhere. After a few moments he succeeded and tossed her towards the other women. "Wait, if she's here then…"

The building behind Ichigo collapsed signifying the arrival of Kenpachi Zaraki. The psychopathic captain ran his tongue along his sword as he looked over at Ichigo. "I'm going to cut off your manhood first"

"Hey. Wait for us!" Ikkaku Madarame called as he landed with the group closely followed by Yumichika Ayasegawa.

"You guys want me dead to?" Ichigo muttered out looking at the two 11th division members.

"Nah. We just want to get in on the fight!"

Ichigo looked around noticing that he was surrounded on all sides by seven shinigami each one armed and dangerous. There were no more places that Ichigo could run nor hide.

"Well, I guess I got no choice then" he muttered as he thrust Zangetsu forward and started gathering up energy.

Cue the cliché heroic music and female shinigami screams of joy.

"Ban-kai!"

A long black coat formed over Ichigo tattered shinigami robes as his sword shrunk down to a pure onyx katana. Toshiro, Byakuya, and the rest all prepared themselves in case they were attacked first"

Ichigo suddenly turned his head and looked out at his cheering section. "Hey Yachiru"

"Yes, my magical ranibow choclated covered mystical unicorn of love?"

Ichigo flinched but forced himself to stay calm. "Which way is it to the 12th division?"

"Left!" The girl pointed without even thinking on it.

"Thanks" Ichigo said with a smirk before using his increased speed to take off, going in the opposite direction.

It happened so quickly that everyone stood in place for a few moments dumbfounded.

"Hey! He's getting away!" Zaraki yelled.

"Okay, that was actually a little bit clever" Toshiro said to himself.

------

"Clever indeed" Another figure commented as he laced his fingers together.

Mayuri grinned one his freaky grins as he walked away from the screen and into the rest of his lab.

"Well now, I guess I should tidy up. I'm going to be having company here soon."

Mayuri suddenly heard a loud explosion as alarms began blaring out. "Hmm. That was faster then expected"


	6. Chapter 6

The reinforced door blew off its hinges and crashed into the lab. Mayuri Kurotsuchi showed no surprise as the person he was expecting stomped in through the door. Ichigo Kurosaki's face was one of determination, as any man on a mission of revenge would be. Bankai fully released he pointed it at the demented 12th division captain.

Mayuri glanced over a small digital clock. "Hmm…7.3 seconds faster then I expected. So what do I owe the honor of you inviting yourself into my home, shinigami substitute?"

Ichigo continued to point his sword directly at Mayuri's throat.

"Would you care for something to drink? Maybe a spot of tea?" he asked feigning politeness.

"No" was the only response before Ichigo leapt forward.

---------

In most Westerns there is always a showdown. The good guy and bad guy face off standing on opposite ends of the road waiting for high noon. So they can begin. If one thing could be said, of the current situation in Soul Society it would be that it is defiantly not a Western.

On the one side were the males. Toshiro, Kyoraku, Byakuya, Renji, Zakari, and Zakari's sidekicks. All of them were still in their right mind although at the moment they all had a desire to cause some bodily harm to Ichigo. Then there was the female side. The fine members of the Shinigami Women's Association along with Rukia's posse from the real world who had caught up to the group in the confusion. To say that the ladies were slightly abnormal would be the polite way to word it. It was a fact easily verified by looking at what some of them were wearing or lack of what they were wearing. They also wanted Ichigo but for more romantic purposes and with his body intact. Therefore they had formed a wall of defense blocking the guys from going after him. Two sides. Both wanting the same thing, neither one willing to back down. No way this was going to turn out good.

Ikkaku turned back and looked back at his friend and fellow seated officer. "Hey shouldn't you be standing on their side?" he asked whispering.

Yumichika Ayasegawa gave a confused look at first before catching on and glaring back. "Hey! For the last time, I am not gay!" he yelled angrily.

"Yeah, sure your not" Ikkaku said with a laugh.

"Give it a rest baldy"

"What did you just call me?" Baldy screamed turning around full of rage.

"Besides," Yumichika said brushing a loose strand of hair on his head. "My beauty far outshines any of theirs"

"…."

"….."

Silence. So deep and perfect that you could hear a pin drop from five miles away along with an echo and tap dancing ant. Every other male present smartly took a few steps away from Yumichika as Zaraki could be heard muttering idiot under his breath.

Yumichika smile faded and he backed up in fright shivering as he felt the full murderous glare of all female eyes trained on his body.

"Pretty boy dies first!"

Kyoraku looked over at his dominatrix dressed lieutenant and couldn't help grin at the sight. "Nanao-chan , do we really need to fight?" The captain formed a warm smile and lowered his swords a bit. "I do not wish to hurt you"

A crack of the whip caused Kyoraku's straw hat to break apart.

"The feeling is not mutual"

"I see. …Well then gentlemen, I wish you the best of luck" the captain of the 8th before turning around and fleeing.

"Get back here!" Nanao roared as she gave chase with her whip.

"Coward!" Ikkaku called out.

-Thud -

Everyone turned back to the women's side where Soifon had just fainted with a perverted grin after getting an up close look at Yoruichi.

"Oppsie" Yoruichi said with a grin as she dragged the captain out of harms way.

"Well at least we don't have to worry about her now" Yumichika said happily.

Renji looked over at the remaining enraged females. "Yeah but we're still kind of outnumbered here"

His captain shot him a distasteful look. "Do not worry. I have already arranged for reinforcements and they shall be here momentarily" Byakuya said calmly.

---------

"Hurry men. This way" Izuru Kira said as he urged on the squadron of shinigami to follow behind him.

As the troops hurried to the battle sight one of them suddenly stopped and looked up into the sky. "Hey what's that?" he asked.

Kira stopped and followed his gaze upwards where there was a large bright orb of blue light that seemed to be falling from the sky right towards them.

"Wait. That almost looks like a…"

Kira didn't get a chance as the large orb slammed down right in front of the soldiers.

- Kaboom -

As the light and smoke cleared from the large crater now existing, a lone figure climbed out of the hole. Ignoring the bruised and battered shinigami by her feet, she looked around in confusion.

"Stupid Ganju" Kukaku Shiba cried out angrily as she shook her one working fist. "I should have known you would screw up firing the cannon correctly. You're an idiot brother"

Noticing that Kira was still semi conscious, the well endowed fireworks expert quickly went over and lifted him up by his shirt.

"You wouldn't know by any chance where I could find a certain orange haired hunk?"

---------

The spiritual tension increased heavily as the two sides began to charge at each other. For some reason, the only one who didn't do anything was Nemu. The girl calmly watched things for a few moments before turning and walking off in a random direction.

"Mortal combat!!!" Yachiru screamed.

---------

Blades struck each other in a flurry of sparks as Ichigo and Mayuri dueled. Or rather Ichigo dueled with his bankai going full force while Mayuri struggled to defend himself using his released Ashisogi Jizo. Still despite losing, Mayuri remained calm and continued gloating.

"Resorting to violence so soon? I guess no taught about talking like civilized people. Oh well, I guess it's all that could be a expected o a pitiful human such as yourself. "

"Why?" Ichigo yelled.

"Hmm?"

Mayuri reached pulled out the scythe from his ear and tossed it forward on its tentacle but Ichigo's speed was too fast and he easily slashed it off.

"Why did you do this to me? What was the point of affecting all those girls like that? Huh? Was it funny for you or something? Tell me!"

"…..Hahahahaha. You fool. Did you actually believe this was about you?"

"….What?"

---------

Ririn calmly ducked under the swing of the scythe blades only having a few strands of hair come off in the process. More swings followed but each time she moved to the side avoiding being hit. Doing a couple of back flips, the mod soul girl grinned and stuck out her tongue at her opponent.

"Ha ha. You can't hit me"

Yumichika growled in annoyance at the girl. "Just stand still already you little brat!"

"Nope and don't call me a brat!"

"Or what? You're going to use those cutesy little illusions powers on me?" The shinigami paused for a moment to admire his reflection in his blade.

"I'm warning you…"

"Please. Do your worst"

"Fine" Ririn formed an evil grin as she began to start the illusion. Yumichika watched bored at first but the image in front of him began to take shape his eyes widened in fear and disbelief.

"No…not that"

Gone was cute little Ririn and in her place was the image of Kenpachi Zakari…wearing absolutely nothing but a thong.

"Oh God! The horror! My beautiful eyes can't take the sight of such ugliness! Someone stab them out for me. Oh no, I can still see the image in my head. Agghhhhh"

Speaking of thongs err actually Zakari…

"Is that all you got?"

The 11th division captain looked down with a bored expression as Isane Kotetsu continued to slash at his chest with her zanpakuto not managing to leave a single mark on his chest.

"Pathetic"

Not caring if the person he was fighting was female or not, Kenpachi put all his strenght into his punch knocking Isane back into a nearby wall unconscious. A second later, he threw his sword behind his back blocking Kiyone's attack without even looking. Kiyone had no time to react as she was flung forward landing in a heap atop her sister.

Kenpachi turned and walked away from the two. "Come on. Can't anyone here give me a little bit of a challenge?"

"Aiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiaiai!"

Kenpachi stopped in place as a figure flipped over him landing in front of him. Unohana glared at the violent captain before she suddenly swung her hair forward like a whip. Before Kenpachi could react, his sword was knocked out of his hand and landed several feet away with a light clatter. The healing captain whipped out her sword and pointed it at Zakari beckoning him to come on with her free hand.

Kenpachi continued to stare at his now empty hand in shock for a few more seconds before looking at Unohana. "Heh, feisty" he muttered before charging forward empty handed.

Meanwhile Ikkaku had was exchanging kicks and punches with his opponent and loving every moment of it naturally As the two continued to brawl, the fifth seat wiped some sweat off his forehead.

"Heh, not bad" he said with a smirk only to immediately duck to avoid a spinning kick. "I didn't know you could fight this good Orihime"

His opponent immediately halted in mid punch with a look of anger. "I'm not Orihime!"

"You're not?"

"No, I'm Tatsuki"

"Oh really? So, which one of you Orihime again?"

Tatsuki continued to glare at Ikkaku but then suddenly smirked. "That's Orihime" she said pointing behind him.

"Wha.."

"Judo chop!"

A solid blow to the back of the head and Ikkaku dropped like a sack of potatoes. Tatsuki smiled at her best friend. "You've been practicing those moves I taught you."

"Hai sensei" Orihime replied with a mock salute.

---------

"Don't worry. I'll use simple words so you won't have a problem understanding" Mayuri said mockingly.

Ichigo growled through clenched teeth but let him go on.

"The target for my little experiment was actually the Quincy. When the dart hit him, it was suppose to make everyone around him want to kill him. But then that bumbling Nemu screwed up and hit you instead causing the chemicals to react differently with your spiritual energy. Although I must admit the results were quite interesting not to mention the amount of blackmail material obtained from this. So if you want to blame anyone, you should blame the Quincy and my incompetent lieutenant

Ichigo only tightened the grip on his sword. "Shut up! You think that makes it any better! Ishida may be a jerk sometimes but he is still one of my best friends! He would never sell me out"

---------

"Attention ladies"

Said ladies stood around a pile of ruins that was once known as the Urahara Shop. Many of them had blank and confused looks on their face not sure of what to do now that they had lost the trail for Ichigo. One by one they turned around to see a smirking Uryu adjusting his glasses and standing beside a large pile of clothing.

"Step right up and get your official Ichigo Kurosaki clothing merchandise!"

The Quincy picked up a white shirt and unfolded it revealing a large picture of Ichigo's scowling face on the front and a Quincy cross sewn in on the back.

"They're made with the finest materials and only cost $20 a piece!"

As the females struggled to get first in line and dig out money, Kisuke looked over from his ruined store.

"Hey. You can't sell stuff on my property"

"I'll give you a third of the profits"

Kisuke quickly turned his frown upside down. "Step right up folks. Remember these are once in a lifetime collector items!"

---------

"Matsumoto, snap out of it already!" Toshiro roared as he flew overhead and launched a wave of ice out from his bankai.

As the attack came closer Rangiku Matsumoto just stood there posing sexily. At the last second she dissolved her zanpakuto into ash and used it to form a barrier in front of her. The ice slammed into the barrier and immediately dissolved preventing a single flake from reaching her body.

Toshiro halted his attack and blinked. "Why can't she fight that good when she's normal?"

"Die Shiro-chan!" Hinamori screamed as she launched pink spiritual blasts from her zanpakuto.

Toshiro twisted in midair barely dodging the attacks. "Not you too Momo"

Forced on the defensive from the laser barrage, the white haired prodigy landed on the ground finding himself back to back to with Renji.

"This is madness!" he complained.

Renji stopped swinging Zabimaru around and looked back at the captain with a grin. "Madness? This is Soul Society!"

"…That's it. No more sending you on missions to the real world"

Before Renji could protest Yachiru leaped out of nowhere landing on his head.

"True love conquers all!" she cried out before biting into him.

"Ow! Damnit, get off of my hair!

Toshiro started to move to help but suddenly Rantao appeared in front of him firing a blast from her gun.

"Shit"

Captain Hitsugaya folded his ice wings inward creating a makeshift shield. As the strip beam hit the icy reflective surface, the blast fractured and reflected back off the wings splitting into three separate beams. Wouldn't you know it that the beams just happened to hit Rantao, Hinamori, and Rangiku.

Toshiro quickly turned in the other direction his face lighting up. "This is really not my day"

"Rukia"

"Ni-sama"

Brother and sister stared across from one another. Each one holding on to their zanpakuto but neither one willing to make the first move, waiting for their opposition to flatter.

Byakuya gave a cold stare at Rukia. "It is time to end this foolishness Rukia"

"I will not!"

"Why do you waste your time with such trash like that Ryoku?"

Rukia gave a sincere look at her older brother. "Because I love him," she said softly.

"Silence. It is obviously that the boy has done something to affect your mind. No matter. I will not let you soil the name of the Kuchiki clan. So, stand down." Rukia was silent for a few moments. "I will use force if necessary Rukia" he added on as he reached for his blade.

Rukia continued to stand her ground. "Fine. Give it your best shot ni-sama"

"You actually believe that you can defeat me?" Byakuya asked his voice filled with disbelief.

"I know that I can" Rukia said. "You see ni-sama…"

Rukia suddenly dropped her zanpakuto on to the ground.

"…unlike you, I am willing to…"

Both hands free, Rukia reached behind her back.

"…do whatever it takes to get my man!"

The small girl quickly grabbed a hold of her bra strap and began to unhook it.

Byakuya's eyes were in shock at the sight. "Scatter Senbonzakura. Scatter!"

Byakuya's blade broke apart into its cherry blossom form spreading out across the field. Suddenly every male at the fight and also in a half mile radius, himself included, found some of the tiny blades covering over their eyes preventing them from seeing anything.

"Now our's chance. Counterattack!"

As he heard swords being drawn and attacks shouted out, it occurred to the stoic Byakuya Kuchiki that he may have made a slight tactical error.

"…crap"

---------

"Any last words?" Ichigo asked ready to finish this in one attack.

Before he could swing Zangetsu and decapitate the captain, a pair of arms lightly wrapped his chest.

"Please don't kill father. I would like him to be there for our wedding"

"Nemu" Ichigo stammered out blushing at being held by the underwear clad girl, "How did you get in here?"

"Secret passage," the girl replied with no emotion. "My research shows that fall weddings have a 2.432615184 percent chance of being more successful"

Mayuri brushed the dirt off his captain robes and looked over at the two. "It's about time you got here Nemu. Hurry up and get this trash out of here"

"No"

Mayuri was silent for a moment not quite believing what he heard. "Excuse me? Did you just say no to me?"

"Yes" Nemu replied nodding calmly. "Ichigo Kurosaki is the man that I love. I could never bring any harm to him"

"You waste of spiritual energy! That's the effect of the dart speaking. I'm the one that created you and gave you life! Me!"

Nemu eyes hardened as she threw out a protective arm out in front of Ichigo. "If you try to do anything to him, I will stop you"

As Ichigo watched the exchange between the two, a smile began to form on his lips.

"Hey, that's right. I wonder how many other girls would be willing to help out."

"What are you talking about?"

"Oh you know. All those girls you made fall in love with me. I bet they would be willing to do anything I wanted. Even goes as far to say attack a certain someone"

"That does sound quite reasonable" Nemu remarked.

Some sweat began to drip of the captain's freaky face. "You wouldn't dare."

"Try me" Ichigo shot back. "Hmm, there has to be at least a hundred of them by now"

"A hundred?…Wait"

"Yeah"

"I'll prepare an antidote" Mayuri grumbled out.

"What was that? I couldn't hear you clearly"

"I said I'll prepare an antidote! Just keep all of those wenches away from my lab"

"Good," Ichigo said smiling. "However, it's not enough" Using his free hand Ichigo waved it over his face causing his vizard mask to appear. Nemu and Mayuri both backed up a bit in surprise.

"Is this the role play I've heard about?" the lieutenant asked.

"Nope. This is me wrecking all this stuff so you can never do anything like this again"

Ichigo started to move his zanpakuto in a sweeping motion "Getsuga….

Captain Kurotsuchi's face widened in horror. "Wait! Don't do it! You'll…"

"…Tensho!" Ichigo screamed as he let off the black wave of energy.

"…cause a chain reaction!"

Ichigo could only watch as his attack hit the lab blowing up everything in sight. As the explosion grew, it continued to get brighter and brighter until everything Ichigo saw faded into a pure white emptiness.

……..

……..

To Be Continued…………Right Now

Ichigo's eyes slowly opened and immediately shut again in pain.

'Ow…what happened?' he thought to himself. Slowly he managed to blink his eyes a few times and began to make out shapes and structures.

_'Hold on, this is my bed. I'm in my room. And everything seems normal here. How can that be possible? Unless…it was just a dream. Yeah that's it. Everything. The dart, being chased by the girls, going to Soul Society, all of it. I just must have dreamt the whole damn thing. What a relief'_

Ichigo leaned back in bed to get comfortable. As he moved to his side, he suddenly came across a purple haired girl with bright orange eyes lying in bed with him.

"Good morning" she said sweetly as she leaned in closer and gave him a kiss.

"Aggghhh!" Ichigo shot back up out of the bed. He stared at girl in confusion as his brain slowly tried to compute what was happening.

"S-Senna?"

"Yup, that's me!"

As Ichigo tried to form more words, a green haired blur tackled him back on to the bed.

"Ichigo I luv you!"

Ichigo peered at his chest to see a child like looking girl with a cracked skull on top of her head.

"Nel!" he said in the same shocked tone. "What the hell is going on? You shouldn't be here…and I shouldn't even remember you!" he yelled pointing at Senna.

"Of course you shouldn't silly" Senna replied as she played with Ichigo's hair a bit. "That's how you know you're dreaming"

"Huh?"

"Ichigo, I help you" Nel said as the tiny arrancar leaned in and started to drool.

"Wait Nel, don't…"

- Splash -

Ichigo sat back up spitting out liquid as cold water dripped down his face. Just like before he found himself back in his room. Only this time the only thing with him was Rukia holding on to an empty bucket. Also, there was the helpful fact that she was fully clothed.

Rukia looked down at him annoyed. "It's about time you woke up. Do you know how hard it was to drag you back here?"

"What happened?" Ichigo asked still half asleep.

"You blew up half of the 12th division. That's what happened! But on the bright side, you're cured"

Ichigo was now fully alert. "You mean it's over! You're not going to…"

"No I'm not." Rukia blushing a bit said. "And please don't bring it up"

"Okay. What about everyone else?"

Rukia paused for a moment in thought. "Everyone else is fine. Chad and Uryu are alright. Orihime is okay although she's probably going to be really embarrassed for a few days. Kon was found beaten up in your body but no serious damage was done. Even Urahara didn't seem to mind that his place was wrecked. He said something about making a good business deal. Everyone else in town had their memories adjusted so they'll all wake up thinking they ate some bad sushi. And as for soul society, well today is going in our list of things that we deny ever happening"

Ichigo nodded as he followed along. "Wait, what about Mayuri? I never got to thank that bastard for what he did to me!"

"Oh don't worry about that" Rukia said as she formed an almost sinister grin. "Someone else is personally taking care of Mayuri. Trust me"

"Ah alright" Ichigo leaned back in his bed and sighed contently. "Thank god it's over"

"Yeah"

"So Rukia…was all that stuff you said earlier true?" Ichigo asked with a smirk.

"…What stuff?"

"About wanting to take all my clothes off"

"Baka! I never said anything like that"

"Yes you did. You also wanted me to dress up in a bunny outfit"

"You must have been hallucinating"

"What? No I wasn't"

"Ichigo…"

"Ow! Why did you just hit me?"

"I told you I didn't want to talk about it"

"Fine, I was just asking. And what the hell did you do to my room?"

"Nothing"

"What do you mean nothing? It's completely destroyed"

"Well, that's your fault!"

"How?…Ow! Stop hitting me already!"


	7. Shinigami Cup! Golden!

To say that Captain Mayuri Kurotsuchi was in a good mood would be a misstatement. Well, more like a complete lie. Truthfully, he wasn't the sort of person that was in many good modes to begin with. But today was an epically bad mood day. Half his division was wrecked including all of his prized experiments which would take forever to recreate. The Women's Association had just finished labeling him a menace to females everywhere complete with warning posters spread all over Soul Society. And the icing on the cake was a not so pleasant conversation that Mayuri had just had with the first division captain.

"Stupid probation!" he grumbled as marched down the streets towards his division. "Stupid no more being allowed to test weapons without approval, Stupid no more attempting to kill stupid Quincy and stupid fines for replacing captain's stupid destroyed robes!"

"Err…Hi there"

Mayuri stopped complaining and looked down at the voice. Hanataro stood before nervously looking up at the captain.

"Out of my way" he said shoving the small medic into a nearby wall.

Hanataro continued to watch the mad scientist even as he rounded the corner. "…He touched me"

"Captain Kurotsuchi"

Mayuri turned back a few moments later annoyed as Jushiro Ukitake was waving at him. "What?"

"Would you like to have some candy?" The sickly captain called out as he held up a large bag full of the stuff.

"…No thank you" Mayuri said slowly before he kept going increasing the speed of his walk a bit.

_'It couldn't be'_

As he came around another corner, Toshiro Hitsugaya was there waiting for him. "Good to see you today captain."

"Yes, of course it is"

Toshiro nodded before suddenly kneeling down in front of the 12th division captain. "I just wanted to tell you how much you and your work have inspired me. Your experiments and ideas are truly magnificent. …Not to mention your good looks."

"…"

Mayuri gave up all notions of walking and began to run. But it might have been a little too late as now every direction he went in had a male shinigami waiting for him, two in some cases.

Turning into the last possible direction for escape, Mayuri thought he was safe. That was before he noticed the trail of rose petals spread out in a path. Following the trail upwards, Byakuya was standing there with chocolates and flowers in hand. As he saw Mayuri, the captain let out a bright smile.

"No…no…no"

Shinigami began to suddenly pour in from all sides trapping him in place.

"Let's go on a date"

"Your eyes are incredible"

"How can I get my hair to look like that?

"Stay back…none of you come any closer" Mayuri shouted. "I'm not afraid to use this," he said pulling out his zanpakuto.

"Hey there Captain Kurotsuchi. Would you like a hug?" Renji said holding his arms open.

"No! Rip Ashisogi Jizō!"

As his sword split into its three pronged released form Mayuri turned and stabbed the nearest shinigami to him. "Take that"

Kenpachi stared down at the poisonous wound in his chest with his one eye and smiled sadistically. "Alright, I love foreplay"

"………………NEMU!!!!!!!!!!!!!"

Back at the partially destroyed 12th division headquarters, Nemu and several other researchers were working in one of the still operation areas. Many of them stopped in their tasks as they all thought they heard a familiar voice screaming.

"Hey, was that the captain's voice?"

"Sounds like it. Maybe we should go check it out"

"Wait," Nemu said interrupting the two. "Captain Kurotsuchi said that he was running very important experiments for the entire day and did not want to be bothered. No matter what"

"Are you sure? Because I could have sworn that noise was…"

"No matter what" Nemu repeated sternly.

"Oh…okay"

That being done, Nemu returned back to her seat and continued her work. Picking up the small paperback romance novel, she quickly found the page she had left off on and continued reading.

Loyalty like the type that Nemu had for her so called father would be something that always existed But in the case where you scorn a woman, well all bets are off.


End file.
